Birthday: the day of birth

Today was my official day of birth and as it has been for the past few years, the day mainly served as a day of reflection. A day for me to gather all my happy, sad, depressing, excited and hopeful, deep thoughts and stir them all together to reflect on life so far. Age and getting older is such a big deal for most people but I've never really thought that much about age until recently when society started telling me that my life is basically over. I think everyone has extremely high expectations about life and any plan that doesn't fall into place suddenly has us feeling like failures. This year I hope to finally let go of all the anxiety I've felt about where I "should be" in life and just be where I want to be. I have a few tricks up my sleeve so I hope this will be my life-changing year. I urge everyone to start forgetting about their age and just live. I mean, after all, it's not like any of us really act our age, right?...

P.S. This letter to myself on my birthday post I wrote a couple of years ago still applies...

Winter 2017 Bucket List

I think every year, everyone and their dog says something along the lines of "I can't believe it's already almost Christmas!" and so, for that reason, I try not to be that person. But this year, wow, I really CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S ALREADY ALMOST CHRISTMAS. Why does time fly by now that I'm no longer 12? I know it's not officially winter just yet but I know if I don't write this now, I might never write it. There's so many things I'm looking forward to this holiday season.

10 things my dad taught me

This post is coming to you about a day late since the weekend turned out to be busier than I anticipated. Still, in honor of Fathers Day, I wanted to share with you all some things my dad has taught me throughout my life. He is not a mushy type of person at all but knowing he won't be reading this (...still trying to get him near a computer), I think it's okay to tell you all that he's one of my bestest pals (both of my parents are, fyi- here's 10 things my mom taught me). 

1. See as much of the world as you can see. Never stop traveling.

2. If you invest in anything, let it be real estate. You can never go wrong with owning a piece of land (especially in California).

3. Whenever you can, buy stuff that's American made (or anything that's not made in China). Quality products are (often) worth the price.

4. Be your own boss if you can. Don't waste your life working for someone else so that they can accomplish their own dream.

5. A college education doesn't hurt but it's not the only way to enrich your life.

6. Read as much as you can. Know a little bit about every subject.

7. Basic survival skills. My dad is an outdoors guy so throughout the years I've picked up a few tips on survival. Not saying I could fend off a mountain lion but I do remember to always pack a blanket and water if going on any type of trip.

8. They don't make movies like they used to. In fact, they really don't make anything like they used to.

9. Learn skills that not everyone else knows (i.e. shorthand) that way if there is ever a demand for that skill, you will be one step ahead.

10. Don't be afraid to live - more often than not, taking chances is the only way to do so.

P.S. My dad is weird & doesn't like the internet so this is as good of a photo as I could manage- it was taken at the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland.

What has your father/father figure taught you? :)

Life as an only child

Growing up, being an only child felt pretty normal. I actually never thought much about it because it was pretty easy to make short-term friends and my parents showered me with attention 24/7. I was always spoiled with toys but never a spoiled brat (though I had my moments, duh). I knew how to share and how to be polite and I was generally smart in school. I had the best parents who knew not to give into my every demand and who taught me that learning and exploring was more important than material items. I was always painfully shy from the start and to this day, I'm not sure if that stems simply from being an only child (I'm gonna go ahead and say it does). I was a baby and an adult rolled into one. I knew that most kids could be nice but some were just mean and I didn't know how to handle them (I think back on it now and hate myself for always being such a dumb little pushover). I never quite fit in with my peers most definitely due to being so shy and overprotected. I was always the kid who never said a word especially around adults who were generally so big and scary and I was abnormally intimidated by them. Subconsciously, I became a bit of a hermit and as I've gotten older I've become only too aware of how much being an only child has affected me. 

These days, I often struggle. It's 10x as difficult to strike up a conversation with strangers (or even people I haven't seen in a while) but not so much because I'm painfully shy (I'm happy to report I am only shy now, not painfully so) but probably mostly because I just don't feel that people are going to stick around long enough and definitely not forever (as horrible as that sounds). I can't just pick up the phone and rant about my day to someone. There's no one who I could call and tell my happy news to who would be equally happy for me. I have no one who I could call up at 3am if I felt distressed about something (other than my parents, of course- I'd be so lost without them). Friends seem to come and go. Even most family members keep their distance probably because they all have their own siblings and kids to be with.

I've become so independent and so self-reliant and I can't really relate to people when they speak of their best friend and how much they rely on them emotionally or how much fun they have around them. These days, I realize more than ever that mostly everyone has a sibling and those that do are someday going to have nieces and nephews. I can't relate to anything like that. I mean, I try to. But when it comes down to it, I'm an only child and I'm always going to feel a little bit different. 

Don't get me wrong, I honestly wouldn't change my being an only child. I am mostly confident, determined and ambitious because of it. Thankfully, no one was ever really around to bring me down (except for the bullies in 3rd grade) or compete with me so really, as far as I'm concerned, anything I want to achieve is possible. I don't feel special or entitled. I mostly feel alone, empowered and capable. I am super weak but almost just as strong. I think I'm going to be okay. 

Please feel free to share your only child or sibling related experiences below...

10 things my mom taught me

In honor of Mother's day this Sunday, without getting too mushy, I want to share 10 things that my mom, the greatest female I will ever know, has taught me throughout my life. While she pretty much has taught me everything, I had to narrow it down as much as I could so you wouldn't end up reading a novel. She doesn't know I'm writing this (still working on explaining what a blog is to her)  and to be honest, I'd burst into mushy tears if she'd ever read this. Also, I would love to post a picture of she and I but I seriously doubt she'd appreciate the internet "fame".

1. Education is the most important thing- you can't go wrong with a good education (seriously, she's been telling me this since before I even knew what education meant)

2. Keep your elbows off the table (this one has become a little less enforced since I've grown up but I remember as a child my mom would constantly remind me and I'd always be a little sass about it and exaggerate the fact that I couldn't reach anything without using my elbows to which she'd always reply "Very funny").

3. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and never let anyone push you aside (still working on this one- I hope to conquer it by the time I'm 80 at least).

4. Don't just dress classy, BE classy.

5. It's better to be alone than in bad company.

6. It doesn't matter if you don't have a lot of expensive clothes or a lot of clothes in general. It doesn't matter what you wear as long as you're clean (a.k.a change your underwear every day).

7. Girls can do ANYTHING just as good as boys or often, even better- never hold back.

8. Finish what you start (I blame her for my ridiculous habit of never giving up- I seriously never give up- it's sort of a problem).

9. Don't chew gum in public (oops, I'm totally failing this one- I chew it like I'm Violet Beauregarde).

10. Don't try to please everyone- you're not a gold nugget and not everyone's going to like you. And even if you were a gold nugget, not everyone likes gold...

What has your mother/aunt/grandmother (etc) taught you?  

April

All photos are taken from my instagram

I didn't get around to doing a little summary for the month of March so this blog will forever be March-less BUT I'm so glad to be doing one for April, which, by the way, really did go by super fast (I know I always say that people always say that, ha). Come to think of it, I suppose I could've blended both months together into this summary but I gotta be honest, I'm too lazy to re-do my little collage (I'm happy with the way it turned out).

I feel like I did so much this month. I read a whole lot. I really pushed myself to do activities that I had been meaning to do and really just took time to be free.

If vintage shoes could talk...

I bet they would say that they were so thrilled when their owner bought them because she happened to be a very stylish trendsetter from the heart of NYC.

They'd mention that when they were still brand new, they had stood near the Golden Gate Bridge and walked the busy streets of London - twice, every year for 3 years straight.

They'd probably admit that their owner didn't always have the cleanest feet.

They'd mention that they were happy with their stylish appearance that garnered many compliments, but mad whenever they had to walk on dirty city sidewalks.

I bet they'd say that they hated when anyone other than their owner tried them on for size.

I think they would also admit that they were owned by 3 different people and that the 2nd owner caused the deep scratch on the right heel from when they stumbled over an unexpected stone on a countryside road.

And they'd say that after 35 years of mostly happiness and security with all 3 owners, they were very sad that their final owner decided to donate them because they weren't considered stylish anymore.

I bet they'd say that even though all their owners might not even be on this earth anymore, they're glad to be able to live on and to await the next owner who will appreciate and love them for the rest of their metallic leather Made in Spain lives.

Yes, if vintage shoes could talk...

What do you think they'd say?

2014

If I look inside my mind to review 2014 without the help of past blog posts or my instagram feed, the first thing that will always pop up are the memories of my very first trip to Ireland. I still think about it everyday and feel a burning desire to cry and smile at the same time because it was just such a wonderful experience (by the way, I've yet to taste butter and tea as yummy as the Irish make it).

2014 started a fresh new year (as most new years are) and I really had no idea what to expect as the previous year had been more planned out and honestly, a bit suffocating. 

This year was also made up of everyday moments filled with little details which I made sure to place utmost importance on (many nature walks and reruns of I Love Lucy).

I think of this year as being the year I baked and cooked more than Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray combined. I baked bread loaves and hamburger buns for the first time and it has quickly become a regular occurrence (right after this post, I intend to cook hamburgers for the last meal of the year).

I faced a lot of fears which I still replay in my mind to make sense of how I've handled everything. 

I learned to be very conscious of the moment and of my decisions and to live with more intention.

My drawing skills surprised me so much. I had never drawn with such focus before. It was a boost in confidence that I very much needed.

Every opportunity, I always had a camera with me but I was also conscious not to live through the lens. As soon as I got the perfect shot (which usually took like 253 times), I put the camera down.

I had many a pep talk with myself. I became my own best friend more than ever and actually came to accept and embrace that. I genuinely like myself. 2014 made me realize that life really is what you make of it.

And now, if I'm honest, I don't know if I'm ready for a fresh new start because 2014 was way too good to me. I want to soak it in for a while longer. But it's 5pm already and this post is being published way later than I had anticipated (thanks to an unexpected power outage). 2015 will be here soon. 

All I really hope for in the coming year for me, for you, for the people I know and have known, and the rest of the world, is for inner peace, good health, kindness towards others (seriously, people, let's all play nice- nobody is better than anyone), and simplicity. And a whole lot of bright colors.

Thanks for sticking with me. I hope you'll join me in 2015...

   

A piece of my childhood: S Club 7

After the Spice Girls and The Corrs, it's safe to say that S Club 7 was my absolute favorite group. But it wasn't until the recent announcement of their reunion tour (which, by the way, I'm super jealous of everyone who lives in the UK and has a chance to go) that I really stopped to think just how big of a fan I was (am). I, along with a trillion other kids who are undoubtedly all the same age as me now, fell under the S Club spell back in the day. Not an episode or album went unnoticed. I had the dolls (even the singing ones that would randomly start singing in the night). Tina was my favorite. I was also an avid member of both their US and UK websites during the time when computers were still relatively new and as a result, I pretty much associate everything I first learned on a computer with S Club 7. I even remember the S Club 7 message boards and that weird period of time when many fans were convinced they were in contact with the members of the group. I remember the supposed fan email address that was meant to be kept a "secret": it was vivasclub@hotmail.com and while it was convincing then, somebody had to have been awfully cruel to pull such a prank on us die-hard fans. But, it was all fun and games while it lasted.

After seeing their recent performance online at Children in Need and hearing of their upcoming reunion, it sparked so many great memories of my wonderful childhood. Now, excuse me while I go dig out every SC7 album I own and hunt down any episodes I can find on YouTube...

And, just for the record, my top 7 S Club 7 songs are:

-I'll Be There 

-Don't Stop Movin'

-Cross My Heart

-I'll Keep Waiting
-Stand By You
-Summertime Feeling
-Discotek (see, this should prove how much of a fan I was...this song is a bit hard to find)

P.S. I just remembered I bought a copy of their movie "Seeing Double" a hundred years ago at the Dollar store and I've yet to watch it! 

Moving on, up and away

As I sit outside lying on my dog's huge comfy bed cushion (the one he never uses because he's a spoiled brat and prefers MY bed) with my school work staring me in the face and the warm sun comforting my damp hair while trying to ignore a sharp pain in my ear that won't go away, I can't help but reflect on where I was 2 years ago. I still lived with my family in my childhood home in Northern California that I had lived in since I was 6. Just recently my family sold that home and with it went more than half of all my life memories (mostly good, some sad and very little bad). That's how I know life is finally changing. And for the first time, I think I'm okay with that.

A military history museum near my hometown

These are just some pictures from April 2011, the final year that I lived in my childhood home (excuse the quality - I didn't have my fancy schmancy camera back then). Although I was unhappy in my actual hometown, my house was always a happy place. What I'll miss the most is the huge yard and fruit trees (seriously, everything from avocados to cherries and apricots- it was absolutely splendid), the very hot summers (even though I complained about it back then when I'd wake up dripping in sweat- our house was over 100 years old so there was only an air conditioner in the living room), and my lovely bedroom with french doors and wood-like flooring. Djinn Djinn, my dog, on the other hand, misses the huge lawn (with thick lush green grass) and the large yard that he'd run around in when he felt like going "psycho" chasing after the squirrels. He'll also miss the endless sunlight.

Although I definitely think I was more than ready to move on and away from the place I grew up (besides, the place where I live now is 100x better for the lifestyle I now desire), I'm glad that I can look back and smile because I'm moving forward and life is only going to get better (at least, I'm always hopeful- that's the "Pollyanna" in me). I also hope that the new occupants of my childhood home will be very happy there. And so, life goes on.... How do you deal with change? Do you easily accept it?

He looks like he's singing/dancing!

The house was emptied for the first time since we moved in. Bittersweet.